Lil' Red Riding in the Hood

This is just a short play I wrote. It is a parody of Little Red Riding Hood. I hope you like it. Comment please.


Narrator: Once upon a time there was a little girl. Mama sent her out into the mysterious world. Told Lil’ Red to give her Grandma some food. On her way to her project she was soon pursued. Big bad pimp wanted a young trick. Was gonna teach Lil’ Red how to suck a %&^$. So keep on reading the story gets good. It’s the story of Lil Red riding in the hood.

Mama: (shouting) Lil’ Red! Lil’ Red...Lil’ Red I swear if I gotta call you one more time I’mma tear up yo’ behind when I see you.

Lil’ Red: Comin’ mama! (Runs onto the stage). What you want.

Mama: Excuse me?

Lil’ Red: Yes, ma’am.

Mama: That’s mo’ like it. Listen yo’ grandmamma ain’t feelin’ too good. She just called and told me her diabetes (pronounce diabetus) is acting up again. So, I need you to take her some food.

Lil’ Red: Ugh! Why? I don’t wanna go. I can’t stand grandmamma. Every time I go to
her house she is always complain’ about something. (Mimicking her grandmother) “Lil’ Red aren’t those jeans a little too tight? Lil’ Red you need to be pulling your shirt down in the front. Lil’ Red why were you talking to that boy in the hallway; you know he is in a gang?” I mean damn can’t she just back off!

Mama: One, use that language in my house one more time, and I will slap fire outcha mouth. Two, if grandmamma wasn’t on you as hard as she is you would probably be the girlfriend of a boy in a gang. Three, we can’t have the women of the house looking like hoes. Cause if you look like a hoe, you will get picked up by a pimp.

Lil’ Red: (Rolls eyes) whatever! So is the food ready.

Mama: Yeah. Lil’ Red stick to the main roads. I know it is quicker to take the back roads, but I have heard some bad stuff has been going on down there.

Lil’ Red: Yes ma’am. (Lil Red exits)
(End scene)


Narrator: So Lil’ Red left her home. She started off on her journey sticking to the main roads. Soon she decided she would disobey. So went on the back alley way. It soon got quiet. So she talked to herself. She thought there was no one there, but there was some body else.

Lil’ Red: (To herself) Ugh! Why, I always have to run around and do errands for my mama. I got a life too. This is so stupid. Then my grandma gonna be like, “Lil’ Red why you take so long? Why this food cold?” I dunno grandmamma. Damn!

Homeless Man: Hey! Who are you talking to?

Lil’ Red: (startled and defensive) Why does it matter to you?

Homeless Men: Sorry. I was just wondering. You look like you’re angry.

Lil’ Red: I am mad, because my damn mama making me take this food to my grandmamma and I don’t want to.

Homeless Man: It can’t be that bad.

Lil’ Red: It ain’t; I just don’t like being told what to do.

Homeless Man: Well, do you need a companion on your walk?

Lil’ Red: HELL NA! I don’t need no stank ass homeless man following me to my grandmamma house. Then you goin’ to ask me to give you some food. Hell na!

Homeless Man: Look, I am not actually homeless. I’m a police officer. I am working undercover trying to catch the big bad pimp.

Lil’ Red: Man, you homeless people are just so damn dumb. I ain’t falling for that trick again. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times, Imma kick yo’ ass.

Homeless Man: Fine. Just be careful.

Lil’ Red: Whatever! (Walks away)
(End scene)


Narrator: Kept on walking to her grandmamma house. Got into the ghetto and ran into a crack house. She got scared, but she wasn’t a wimp. Sooner than you know she saw the Big Bad Pimp.

Lil’ Red: (to herself) Damn, shady ass ghetto. Why my grandmamma gotta live out here?

Big Bad Pimp: (Slyly) Ey girl. What you doin’ out here all by yourself?

Lil’ Red: (does not respond)

Big Bad Pimp: (blocks her) Hey cutie I was talking to you. I mean it ain’t safe for
girls like you to be walking all by yourself. Some bad bad man might come up and want something bad from with you. You know come with me and I can protect you.

Lil’ Red: Please leave me alone. I am just taking food to my grandmamma.

Big bad Pimp: Awe what a fine sweet lil’ girl you are. I know alotta girls like you. Let me walk with you.

Lil’ Red: Are you deaf? I said leave me alone.

Big Bad Pimp: But baby

Lil’ Red: I am not your baby!

Big Bad Pimp: (grabs her arm) You are what I want you to be!

Lil’ Red: Look, asshole. I have mace in this sack and I will mace your ass. So step
off.

Big Bad Pimp: Alright, but I will be back, and you will work for me.

Lil’ Red: When pig’s fly… (runs away)

Big Bad Pimp: Girl ain’t you ever heard of swine flew? (to himself) Hmmm…no one ever says no to the Big Bad Pimp. I will get what I want. (Snaps like he got an idea)
(Close Curtain)


Narrator: Big bad pimp was gonna have Lil’ Red. So broke in grand mamma’s house and killed her dead. So he thought but grandmamma really survived. So Big Bad Pimp waited in grand mamma’s bed and waited for Lil’ Red to arrive.

Lil’ Red: Grandma! I am here.

Big Bad Pimp: (disguised as grandma) Come in.

Lil’ Red: Where you at grandma?

Big Bad Pimp: I am in my bed room.

Lil’ Red: (walks in) Damn grandma, why yo’ hands so ashy and swoll?

Big Bad Pimp: The better to kidnap you with! (jumps out of the bed and chases Lil’
Red)

Lil’ Red: You ain’t my grandmamma.

Big Bad Pimp: No I ain’t

Lil’ Red: Where’s my grandmamma.

Big Bad Pimp: She gonna be sleeping for a long while.

Lil Red: You a monster!

Big bad Pimp: And you gonna’ be my trick once I get a hold of you.

Lil Red: No! Help ME!

Homeless Man: (barges into room with other officers) Freeze Atlanta Police
Department!

Lil’ Red: Damn! Shawty wasn’t playing. Popo in the house.

Homeless man: Big Bad Pimp you are under arrest for the forced prostitution of minor and for human trifficing.

Lil’ Red: DAMN! Somebody’s ass is goin’ to be in jail for a long time. HAHA! Officers please take this fool away.

Homeless Man: I told you I was an officer.

Lil’ Red: I know, but someone once told me that and gave me some seeds and I planted them and this just Pot Stalk grew, but that is another story. ..
(Close Curtain)